


At Least Six Confessions

by whoneedsapublisher



Series: Six confessions timeline [2]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Slightly older Nico and Maki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-23
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-26 09:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9878639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoneedsapublisher/pseuds/whoneedsapublisher
Summary: Nico's diary details her continuing efforts to get Maki to understand that she's in love with her. For some reason, this requires more than one confession. A prequel/sequel to Subtle.





	

**Confession 1: Retirement speech**

**Time:** My graduation day.

 **Plan:** Tell her I love her when I give my speech giving up the presidency of the idol club.

 **Report:** I forced the tremors running through me to stop as I stood at the head of the table in the clubroom, eight pairs of eyes on me. As if this wasn’t enough pressure even _without_ the prospect of admitting my feelings, here, now, in front of everyone.

“Well, I’m sure all of you will be basically lost without the brilliance and expertise of the universe’s number one idol-” I started, trying to hide my nervousness with bluster. I could tell by the look on Nozomi’s face that she wasn’t buying it, but Maki’s irritation implied that she was at least. “-but I’ve already named my successors and they’re… good.”

My front faltered as I teared up a little. “All of you are the best idols I could have ever asked to be with,” I managed, my voice shaking.

“And Hanayo, you’ll be a great president,” I said, looking over at her with a genuine smile.

“Maki, you’ll be a great vice president,” I said, taking a deep breath as I turned to stare intensely at her. This was it. The moment of truth. I’d been waiting to do this for… god knows how long. A long time, anyway, despite the relatively short time I’d known Maki. I fell in love with her pretty fast. And now, finally, I was going to say it. “I love you.”

There was a pause.

I wasn’t quite sure what I’d expected, but it sure as hell was _not_ Hanayo going “We all love you too, Nico!” and completely ruining my confession.

Maki huffed and mumbled “Yeah, yeah, we all love you Nico. We’ll miss you,” and soon everyone was joining in as I started to cry and they all rose up to give me a group hug. I wasn’t even sure if I was crying because my confession failed completely or because I was so moved and happy to have such good friends, but I’d like to say I’m magnanimous enough that it was the latter.

I’m not magnanimous enough that I didn’t “accidentally” spill a drink on Hanayo next time we were out.

 **Result:** Failed.

 **Lesson learned:** This group thing isn’t going to work. I need to go for one on one.

 

**Confession 2: Letter in the locker**

**Time:** October, Maki’s second year.

 **Plan:** Put a love note in her locker full of Nico Nii’s most romantic writing.

 **Report:** Okay, so maybe it had been a little while since my last attempt. It was hard, okay? Getting up the confidence to confess again after your confession is not only unsuccessful but completely unnoticed takes some effort! And I was busy! With idol things! And college things! Also, Nozomi was being _insufferable_ , as if she hadn’t already been since she first figured out that I had a crush on another member of μs. But after a confession attempt? After I’d backed down when everyone got the wrong idea? Unbearable. If I was still seeing her at school every day I would have strangled her. Even just the messages and the smug looks when we did meet up made my fingers twitch, but the world’s greatest idol has endured worse and in her infinite mercy spared the world’s most obnoxious fortune teller the fate she so richly deserved.

I’d spent hours on the letter. All night, even. Alright, all _week_ , really. It was important! If I was going to communicate Nico-Nico’s passionate and beautiful love in words, I had to make sure they were excellent words. Maki liked songs, so I tried to make them kind of poetic, you know? “My love for you is without end, how can I just call you friend”! See, I was a genius! There was no _possible_ way Maki could miss it this time.

Sealing the letter with a kiss, I snuck into the school that technically I probably wasn’t supposed to be in any more and shoved the letter into her locker, and then ran before anyone else showed up. Also, so that I wouldn’t be late for class, but that isn’t very romantic.

 **Result:** Failed.

 **Lesson learned:** Apparently Nico Nii’s poetry is just so good, Maki assumed I was making lyric suggestions for an idol song. Clearly I need to make this personal and in person.

 

~~**Confession 3:  Getting her alone in the clubroom** ~~

~~**Time:** As soon as possible.~~

~~**Plan:** Pin her to the wall, kiss her until she’s panting for breath, then tear off her shirt and tell her how desperately you want to get between her pillowy thighs while motorboating he~~ FUCK OFF NOZOMI

 

**Confession 3: Rooftop callout**

**Time:** October, Maki’s second year.

 **Plan:** Classic, simple, to the point. Tell her to meet me on the roof, tell her I love her, then we date. FOOLPROOF. F-O-O-L-P-R-O-O-F.

 **Report:** This roof was way too cold for October. Admittedly, I was wearing my pink cardigan, which wasn’t that warm, but it felt wrong confessing a high school love in my new adult clothes. The cardigan still fit, anyway. I’d barely grown since, which was definitely pissing me off.

I assume it was just the cold that was making me shiver. The great Nico couldn’t be nervous now. I’d seized the initiative this time and tried my third confession not even a week after the second. I had an opportunity coming up to break into the idol business big time, and I was going to knock out all my goals at once! Get the girl, get the job, and grab life by the horns!

Maki opened the door to the roof already looking annoyed. It shouldn’t have hurt me, she didn’t know what was coming, but it still did. It hurt my confidence, which might have been what caused the problem.

I did what I always do when I’m not confident: act over-confident.

“Nico-nico niii!” I started off, which was really my first mistake. I definitely shouldn’t have done the pose and the voice. “I’m going to put a Nico-smile in your heart! I! Love! You!” as I said this, I winked and made a heart shape, then pointed to Maki.

Look, I know it was a little over produced, but I was scared! When I get scared I get dramatic!

“… I can’t believe you dragged me up here just to practice your dumb catchphrase. I know that you’re nervous, Nico, but go back to your school.”

With those harsh and _clearly uncomprehending_ words, Maki slammed the door to the roof and left me standing in the cold with my arms out-stretched, feeling like a complete moron.

 **Result:** Failed.

 **Lesson learned:** Apparently Maki is a fool beyond the level of foolproof. APPARENTLY, Maki just assumes I’m never sincere if my voice is at all high pitched! And just saying “I love you” isn’t clear enough! Next time I’ll like, talk about our future. The future I want for us. But first I need to nail this audition.

 

**Confession 4: Giving her my second button**

**Time:** Christmas Eve, Maki’s second year.

 **Plan:** The second button is romantic, right? And I’d talk about how I wanted to settle down with her when I was an established idol and she was a doctor. Nothing is more _overtly romantic_ than discussing how you want to be with someone throughout your life! This time it is ACTUALLY foolproof.

 **Report:** Okay, okay! I know! Another delay! I couldn’t help this one, alright? I _nailed_ that audition, as is befitting for the greatest idol in the universe, and the world recognised my talent. With all the plans for my career, getting time off got hard all of a sudden. Plus, college didn’t go anywhere, so when I wasn’t working I was desperately trying to catch up on classes. I should have taken an easier major. Whatever, the great Nico is 100% completely capable of being an idol and a student! It’s just hard to also have time to be a magnificent and romantic lover as well, with that kind of workload.

But I got Christmas off, so I arranged to meet Maki on Christmas Eve and promised her a present. She seemed stressed out by school, and what better to cheer her up than getting a wonderful, thoughtful, talented and beautiful girlfriend? Okay, maybe I was always going to be the second-best looking and second-smartest and second-coolest person in our relationship, but if she tried to marry up she’d be a spinster for life! So really, the great Nico was the best chance she had of an equal relationship at all.

So obviously it was cold in December, even if I was wearing my new coat (that was a little bigger than my last one since I’d finally grown a bit), and that was why I was shaking. Obviously. Clearly. Not even a question, really. It was cold. Nothing else. My knuckles were white from the chill, and if I was grasping the box I was holding a little harder than I needed to, that was just because my hands froze in place.

“So what do you want, Nico?” Maki looked _unfairly_ good. Here was I, supposed to be the pretty idol who was Mature and In College, and here she was wearing a coat that said “I could buy you but I don’t need to because I’m so much hotter than you anyway”. Her entire outfit was so good-looking that it threw me off stride, and maybe it made me a _little_ nervous about whether I was good enough for her but I confessed, okay! I’m getting to it!

“I wanted to give you this,” I said, managing to stay calm and handing the box over. “Go on, open it, it’s nearly midnight anyway.”

Maki opened the box, and raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

“It’s… a button,” she said, nonplussed.

“It’s my second button,” I said, as she continued to not understand. “I… I want you to keep it, and wait for when I’m a successful idol, and you’re accepted into medical school, and then we can meet again and you can give me your second button, and-”

Okay, like, even from just that much, that seems romantic to me? I mean, come on, who “waits for someone” platonically? But before I could say “and then you can date me” or something, I don’t know what I would have said, Maki cut in with a smile that was heartbreakingly sincere and relieved and grateful and god, I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep talking even if she hadn’t cut me off.

“Thank you, Nico.”

She held the box to her chest and continued, her eyes closed and her head bowed. “I… I’ve been really worried about how I’m doing in school. I was scared I wasn’t going to be able to pass. But…” She opened her eyes and looked up at me. “… This means a lot. That you believe in me.”

She gripped the box and looked determined. “I promise, I’ll keep you to that! I’m going to be a doctor, and you have to be a great idol, and when I graduate I’ll give you my button.”

“…” I could have probably made it more explicit then. ‘No, idiot, I’m confessing! This is a confession! I’m in love with you!’ But she looked so happy, that I… gave up. I couldn’t ruin this, this accidental miracle that was making things better for the girl I loved. I couldn’t ruin this chance to make her happy when she was feeling down just for my own selfish feelings.

“Ha! I’ll be the best idol alright, you just make sure you become a great enough doctor to match me!” I boasted, hoping she couldn’t see how fake my pride was. Of course she couldn’t. The great Nico is a brilliant actor, after all…

 **Result:** Like, okay, failed, but it was a good result, so shut up.

 **Lesson learned:** Should I even be confessing? What if she doesn’t return my feelings? Isn’t that just going to be more stress for her? I’ll try one more time, before her exams, and then… I don’t know. Valentine’s Day. That’s when I’ll do it.

 

**Confession 5: Valentine’s Day Chocolate**

**Time:** Valentine’s Day, Maki’s second year.

 **Plan:** Make one last effort with something that is completely unambiguously romantic. A giant chocolate heart with “I love you” written on it.

 **Report:** This one is going to be short. I was actually busy on Valentine’s Day, so I had it delivered. A big chocolate heart with her favourite type of chocolate and “I love you” written in white icing. And a card that said “From Nico” just to make sure there was no ridiculous secret admirer confusion.

 **Result:** Failed. Again.

 **Lesson learned:** My love is “a prank”. My love is “a dumb joke”. Maki was angry that I “embarrassed her with my terrible sense of humour” and complained to the rest of μs about it. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. No more confessions. I’m just… done.

 

**Confession 6: Fuck it, on live TV**

**Time:** Valentine’s Day, Maki’s third year.

 **Plan:** I didn’t have a plan. It just happened. Is this even a confession? Whatever, I wanted to write it down.

 **Report:** I gave up. I tried to get over her, convinced that no one could be this dense, and she was just pretending not to understand, trying to make me quit instead of having to turn me down herself. Well, she won. I stopped trying to confess. But even after a year of really trying to find someone new, then burying myself in work and trying to not think about love at all, I was still in love with her.

I was brooding about it when I had the interview. Of course, my public face is flawless and no one knew, and just saw the perfect cheery idol who always put a smile on their face, Nico! But trust me, internally, I was a scowling kid.

So maybe I was caught a little bit of guard when the host asked his stupid nosy question about “Oh, today’s Valentine’s Day- is there anyone special in Nico Yazawa’s life?”

I had a stock answer. “Of course not! Nico is everyone’s idol!” I’d said it a hundred times. I opened my mouth to say it again, insincere but adorable and totally sincere looking smile on my face, but what came out was “I’m not in a relationship, but I’m in a hopeless one sided love with a red haired tomato loving doctor.”

 _SHIT._ Of all the rules of being an idol to break, I broke the love ban for a girl who I wasn’t even dating?!

Of course, Nico is a professional idol, and one little slip wasn’t enough to ruin me, so without a beat, I segued _flawlessly_ into “But honestly, Nico is everyone’s idol! No one could ever match my wonderful fans in my heart.”

He bought it. I pulled a few strings to start up some rumours that I’d been talking about a manga character, so my career was safe, but come on, Maki, if you were out there listening you _had_ to know I meant you, right?!

 **Result:** Failed, obviously.

 **Lesson learned:** Giving up on Maki is hard.

 

**Confession(?) Final: Flowers to say farewell**

**Time:** Maki’s graduation day.

 **Plan:** Try to put an end to all this and send her flowers to make one last gesture. Really just for myself, at this point. Yellow tulips for one sided love. Yellow camellias for longing. And a single red rose, for the love that I need to admit to myself isn’t going anywhere.

 **Report:** I set up the flower order and braced myself. I would have preferred not to be there, honestly, but I did promise to take her second button two years ago. And besides, I’d like to believe she at least cares enough to be sad if I skipped out.

 **Result:** I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

 **Lesson learned:** I HATE YOU SO MUCH, MAKI.

* * *

Maki smiled and closed the notebook, putting it back in Nico’s desk. She glanced over at her girlfriend, who was sleeping peacefully in the bed they shared.

“I love you too, Nico,” she whispered.

 


End file.
